Wednesday, August 30, 2006

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Uniform Resource Locators,,1858134,00.html? gusrc=rss&feed=1,,1859342,00.html

Saturday, August 26, 2006

10 Reasons

Reason #1: Playa Dust

Reason #2: Cutesy Wootsey Artsy Fartsy

We are part of a registered theme that will be located at about 7:30 Eager with huge shade structure. There will be about 35 people in our camp. We are an intelligent and fun camp of 20 - 30 somethings, diverse group
mostly straight, like to make jokes

Reason #3: It Is A Shit Magnet

Reply to:
Date: 2006-08-25, 5:05PM PDT
Hi! are you a pilot? Going to burning man? 4th time burner seeking round trip air transport from Bay Area to Black rock city. Will generously assist with associated fuel and maintenance cost to travel there. If you are going already, its win/win. Can leave Wednesday or Thursday from bay area. Would like to return Sunday or Monday No worries... I'm traveling light this year. Let's talk! Thanks!

Reason #4: It's in FUCKING NEVADA

Reason #5: It Is A Shit Magnet
Reply to: Date: 2006-08-26, 7:37AM PDT
This is not your $50.00 throwaway thrash bike that will guarantee to break and fall apart out there.....this is a nice beach style cruiser that will not only last this weekend , but the next and the next BM episodes. It's in excellent condition for $150 OBO / you're gonna spend that much in decorations anyway, you can have that peace of mind that it will carry you thruout the event without any breakage, flats, and pieces dropping apart as you ride during the super hot, windy days and cooler dried nites for.. H20, for exploration, and even for emergencies...does that make sense at all B'ers, why spend $20-50 for someone's fixer uppers to have it die out there before you even began.....It will be gone fast before this Sunday.

Reason #6: I Have Had It With Cutesy Wootsey Artsy Fucktards

Reason #7: It's A Waste
I thought, "Why not? What could a few days in the desert hurt?"
How about my wallet for starters?

A last-minute ticket costs a whopping $350. Tack on to that an extra $150 in supplies. Now factor in that I borrowed half the actual camping equipment (tent, sleeping bag, mini stove) and you have an idea of what this little experiment in "non-corporate living" really costs. As I stood outside Black Rock City waiting to buy my ticket for "Dirt Fest 2004," I was approached by my first burner of the trip. He offered me a ticket stub for less than half the price of the ticket I was about to buy. When I turned him down, he gave me a 20-minute lecture on how people need to learn to trust each other. It's not that I don't trust all people, I just don't trust people who don't have enough sense to comb whatever they just ate out of their beard. When I entered the city, I quickly found an empty area and set up camp. I had worn sandals on the drive out and a neighbor quickly ran up to introduce himself and offer advice on foot care to prevent "playa foot."

Reason #8: Charging To Enjoy BLM Land
Burning Man is "an alternative to mass culture and consumer society" whose anti-consumerist message is "an ingrained ethic that is inherent in all aspects of the event." Except its promotion of course. Tickets cost $225.00 in American consumer-society dollars for access to our public desert, and do not include food, water, or shelter. (see
Do yourself a favor. If you ever get the chance to go to Burning Man just stay home, sit in direct sunlight for a few hours while listening to The Grateful Dead, have a friend throw dirt on you and then flog you. Cap off the night by burning a twig and dancing around it to techno and you will have experienced all that Burning Man has to offer.

Reason #9: It Is A Major Shit Magnet
Mmmm, nothing says breakfast on the playa like chips and salsa while watching a naked guy wash his perineum.
If that wasn't enough, no morning was complete without a visit from the water truck. Sent around with non-potable water to pack the dust down, it was like a burner ice cream truck. It rumbled down the street dispensing its murky water and within seconds burners all over dropped their Frisbees and pipes and stripped naked.
Ever seen a 300-pound woman pole dance? Ever seen a 50-year-old man with an erection get spanked by a ping-pong paddle? Ever seen a pregnant woman with a Star of David on her stomach make out with a chick dressed like a vampire? Ever fallen asleep and then woken up to the same techno song? No? Never? Because I have. "Well, it's an experience." Yeah, so is slamming my face in a car door. "It's one of those things you just have to try for yourself." Really? You sure about that? Because I was pretty sure I could go my whole life without getting a sunburn and frostbite in the same day. Much like burners themselves, this festival really has nothing to offer the world other than useless "peace, love, be cool" rhetoric. If I wanted that, I could go to Blockbuster and rent "Woodstock."

Reason #10: Playa Dust
I'm happy to say I did not get playa foot while I was there. I am unhappy to say that I did get playa everything else.
Playa hand? Check.
Playa hair? Check.
Playa eyes? Check.
Playa genitals? Double check.
I have four days worth of clothes that look like I pulled them from quicksand. By Sunday, I looked like Pig Pen from Peanuts: just a swirling dust cloud with a Bud Light in hand. And the worst part was that I was probably the cleanest person there. Burners have somehow come up with new ways to get dirty. If you think a burner is dirty while they are in civilization, just try and imagine the filthiness of one that has been living in the desert for a week without access to a shower. Imagine the dirtiest person you've ever seen. Now multiply their dirtiness by ten. Now cover that new person in dirt. That person would still be grossed out by some of the people I saw.

It's no more adventurous than camping in your back yard with a Halloween mask on.

Friday, August 25, 2006

So Annoying, But Perhaps a Little Serendipitous

rain: okay time for a good dose of reality
wonderama: you're so in the wrong place
rain: not everything is going to get done before i leave for the playa
wonderama: how did the glue thing go?
rain: oh its still going
rain: it took me a long time to seam one panel when i first started
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rain: however last night i streamlined my process such that in the time it took me to do one panel the night before last, i got 4 done last night
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rain: i have prioritized the things that need to get done prior to arriving on the playa and those things will certainly get done
rain: other stuff will get done while out there
rain: like making the scales

rain: but that part is more artistic and what better way to get chicks at burningman than to make them think youre artistic
wonderama: heh
rain: oh i mean what better place to be artistic
rain: again i have more of The Goddamned Glue (tm) than I can goddamned handle
bo: hey rain, weren't you gonna head to the playa this morning?
rain: uh i was, yeah, however, when i went to confirm my status on the early arrival list, disko said i wasnt on it, that the list was closed and that he didnt even have me down as having completed a ranger training
rain: which i did and had riffraff and zeitgeist confirm with disko
rain: i then pointed out that my first ranger shift was when the gate open and how w
as i supposed to ranger when the gate opens if i wasnth allowed in til the gate opens
rain: told him feline had told me i was on the early entrance list and asked if i wasnt on it can it be reopened so i could be added and if not did he want me to cancel my first ranger shift
rain: and his reply was to leave for the playa without a word to me rain: i am not sure i will ranger again after this year

rain: i had zeitgeist track down disko once he got to the playa, and i could have been put back on the list (or on it for the first time? not sure) however,my friend sarah who i also got on to the early list originally would not have been able to be put back on it
rain: so i decided you know, i am not going to fight or spend money on a hotel room in reno just to be able to volunteer even more of my time than i will rangering
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rain: and me and sarah decided we would just go in when the gates open like everybody elss
rain: maybe next year i will just ranger a burn shift and try to see if any part of dpw is fun
rain: i am sortof pissed but not that pissed since i wasnt and still am not ready to go
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bo: so annoying, but perhaps a little serendipitous
rain: yeah no doubt

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Fuck The Post Office!


Kalki: they THREW a box that said FRAGILE on it against our garage

Kalki: and what's in it shattered to pieces

Kalki: I will seriously be bitching at someone tomorrow in person

bo wanders off to replace m/c throttle tube

Kalki: i was in such a good mood until the postal chick broke my package, and my mom called *grilling* me where I have been for the past hour "because she was calling me". gyesika: my mother called me 6 times at 1:30 in the morning the other day gyesika: because she was divorcing my father. gyesika: again. gyesika: and got pissed the next day because I didn't anwer. gyesika: wtf?
Kalki: i talk to her every day. I talked to her this morning when she woke me up this morning to tell me about Good Morning America
Kalki: and then she calls when she's on her way home from work. every. day.
Kalki: and if I dont answer, she calls back like every 15-30 min
Kalki: until I do
[hank]: she needs a rolled-up newspaper on the nose
Kalki: and then when I answer the *first* words out of her mouth are "where were you? I've been calling you!"
[hank]: NO! [hank]: NO! Kalki: no shit hank [hank]: you can train her Kalki: that sounds like the best idea all day [hank]: it is up to you Kalki: i've tried
gyesika: i talk to my mother every day but I set the time limit and when. Kalki: and it usually works for awhile, then it's back to this again [hank]: be tough gyesika: if it's been a few days she'll call but the other night was the first time she got wierd about it\ [hank]: and consistent Kalki: it would be *so* much better if she just wouldnt ask me "where were you?" Kalki: I could deal with the rest. gyesika: i have a suggestion for tha gyesika: t gyesika: next time she asks say something like "Doing coke and hookers." Kalki: but to be asked like I'm 15 again coming in past cerfew is Hella Annoying. Kalki: haha

gyesika: alternate as the mood strikes you
Kalki: I've tried that. My mom is big on "humor" in general
gyesika: "Doing altar boys and Hash"
Kalki: i dont think she'd get it
[GSWork]: Jess.
[GSWork]: "coke and hookers"?
[GSWork]: It's "hookers and blow".
gyesika: i always get shit like that mixed up.
Kalki: i love her, and she is my only family and I hers. So I understand. But somedays it's just too much.
gyesika: and I didn't know what a "cracker" was until I was 22
[hank]: <<

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Don't Bother With The Shit

I actually attended from 94 to 2,000....was a co founder of Radio Free Burning man in 94,and spent my last two years as a DPW paid monkey,a good 2-3 months of my time each of the last two,ummmmm,yeah,I am not that uninformed on what the event was,is,or could be.

1994,2,000 people...nice little community,cool art,elitism and yahhoism not really a factor yet......doing pirate radio was a blast...had a lot of fun that year,and even the next...when its size doubled,but it still had that chaotic freeform feel,and rave camp was a single entity far away ,out of sight,out of mind.

96...hell year...the freeform feeling starting to get a little out of control as more yahoos and general idiocy reared their collective ugly heads....and then.... the main playa,I actually enjoyed this year,we made a nuisance of ourselves by alienting most of our neighbors with general bullhorn antics(this was before bullhorns proliferated like peirced body parts and rave camps)....this was also the first year streets and a main esplanade were in effect...which took a little of the spontanaity out of the equation.....

...98....not a terrible year,except for the fact that as soon as we got our stage erected for musicians and such to perfom on,a throng arrived next door and within two hours had a huge tarped rave camp up and thumping ...drowning out most everything we attempted....this was the year rave camps popped up like 7 11s or starbucks on seemingly every corner...making it all but inmpossible to escape the mindless drone of the beat...the beat...harder faster,louder faster...the beat.....

99...not sure why,but ended up joining dpw in late july or so...had a blast setting up and such...but the worst time for me was the week of the actual event...and then came back for one last hurrah,but by then,I realized how much time burning man had sucked out of my life at that point...Radio Free Burning Man at this point had started to resemble a commercial version of pirate radio,and I no longer felt kindred to my own creation...the scales seemed to tip more to the ravey side of things,and I was now just contributing time and sweat instead of creativity to the event...not to mention my sanity went on a downhill slide near the end of that last year....

Would I ever go back?Highly doubtful....Do I sound like a griping old timer who insists "It was better when...."You betcha..and I make no apologies for that.

It did once hold a certain charm for me,but now it has become a money generating monolithic party...and I do know Larry Harvey and several of the other "oldsters" personally...some still basking in it,and others since fallen by the wayside....anyhow......

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Rules For Living In The Apartment Above Me

Thanks to the "Bonus Gravity" provided by my landlords, whoever moves in above me will weigh approximately nine times their normal weight. To remind me that you got the "Bonus Gravity" deal, please make sure to stomp your huge, ham-filled feet every step you take. If I cannot track your current location to within a centimeter, you aren't doing your job.

When not watching television, you should take it off the TV stand and face it, screen down, at the floor. Make sure to turn the volume up as loud as possible. If I cannot hear what lesson Kimmy Gibbler learned today on "Full House", I will petition for your eviction.

The best time for your idiot friends to come over is between 2:00 and 8:00 am or whenever I'm sleeping. Once you see my lights turn off, make sure your crazy pal Eddie is on his way over with that DVD of "The World's Largest Explosions - Caught on Film!"

All of your phones must have their ringer hooked up to a bass guitar amplifier. This way, when your phone rings for the 10,000th consecutive time without you picking it up, I will realize you must've accidentally tripped over and broke your 1500-pound skull on the coffee table and I should probably alert the proper authorities.

Taking a shower at 3:00 am is perfectly acceptable. Since my apartment is lined with hundreds of different pipes which carry water to approximately 17 different countries, make sure to urge your friends to take showers at the same time.

Every day at 8:00 pm, you should drop something large and heavy such as:
-A refrigerator
-A wheelbarrow full of lead and concrete
-A month's collection of all the Slim Jims and yahoo you consume
-The entire world

If you don't have access to any of those items, then just trip and fall over. Try to at least be holding some cinder blocks while doing so.

When speaking to a friend who has come over to visit and toss bowling balls around your apartment, make sure to use a megaphone whenever laughing at something he says. This way I'll know your friend is a very funny and witty man (who cannot catch bowling balls).

The "bass" knob on your stereo stands for "Better Acoustic Sounding Songs" and should be cranked up as loud as possible to reflect quality. Try to listen only to rap, techno, and anything which features a kick drum the size of a delivery van. If the song has lyrics, you should turn the bass up so high that it sounds like the the singer is repeatedly chanting, "mwog bbblrrgm gwaf."

Don't ever leave your apartment. Ever. Ypsilanti air is known for its trace amounts of cyanide floating around in it, so it's safer for you to simply hibernate in there for the next nine years.

Much like in exciting video games, hitting surrounding objects with a hammer may reveal magic prizes hidden inside. Smack everything you can find with a hammer or large wooden board. Then smack the wooden board with a hammer because, who knows, it might be a trick.

When the power in the entire block goes out at 10:00 PM and you notice everybody else's lights are off, be sure to shout, "DID THE POWER GO OFF?!?" out your window. There could be a family a few miles away that still has power, in which case you could go over to their house and borrow a cup of electricity so you may operate the jackhammer you've got going in your kitchen.

Exploring Faith

Due to my weight and a crazy resistance to drugs, I either have to smoke a lot of it or wait a bit to get a good stone on. The first sign, then, that this was not my usual trip was the fact that it did not come on slow. Fast, hard, hitting me like a fireball. I go through a brief period of paranoia when I get stoned, and that passed far too quickly. And then, past the usual things that constitute a good stone for me, I could lay back and see the half-formed, newborn dreams that scream and screech constantly in the back of every human mind.

I could open my mouth and just speak, speak to the air and the ceiling and the winter and spin tales of incredible complexity and power, emotion, plot, talk and talk until my voice died, as my mind never would. This was the wellspring of imagination, and right then I felt a Muse on my shoulder, felt like I had been taken to a semi-mythological place where I could weave world from slips of imagination.

Friday, August 18, 2006


Reply to:
Date: 2006-08-25, 2:12PM PDT


Levi's Jean Jacket sz large, Unisex way cool, Yak fur fun, Polar fleese glowy vests
Lady's Esprit Platform boots size 6
Dark angel accessories, amazing Peacock Performance Wrapper
Last chance if your Burning to go glow before the Man...

Uniform Resource Locators

August Is Back

Peregrine: i drank an entire bottle of wine
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{Nn} shoulda stopped by the store and bought popsicles
liqui5: i need to buy more too
liqui5: the frappuccino ones from the dollar store
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^^august: high
^^august: everyone
liqui5: ho
liqui5: hi

^^august: hey cathy
{Nn}: me, not so much
{Nn}: :)
^^august: danny
^^august: nancy
^^august: well at least you're smiling ;)
*** Signoff: Peregrine (Read error: Connection timed out)
^^august: i've been getting high last few days
^^august: for a change

^^august: remember like you remember me when ya first chatted?
^^august: i was always caretted
^^august: caretted?
^^august: lol
^^august: only leris would know that term
^^august: i may stop getting high for a long time soon
^^august: so why not go for broke
^^august: anyone got any high i can borrow?
^^august: :D
liqui5: so many things to get high from
liqui5: aw, i forgot to get oxygen from my grandma
liqui5: i was gonna use her machine last time i was over there
^^august: love is like .. oxygen
^^august: the more ya get, ya get too high
^^august: not enough and you
{Nn}: not enough
^^august: re
{Nn}: and you're gonna die
^^august: gonna die :(
liqui5: i dont mind being too high from love
^^august: i used to hyperventilate just for a buzz
^^august: i think that was aroun 9 yrs old
liqui5: i used to faint myself a lot in middleschool
^^august: now i just hyperventilate after long periods of sex
liqui5: probably about 12 years old
Peagreen: i have never done that
liqui5: oxygen masks while having sex would be nice
Peagreen: hyperventilate and actually get high
^^august: oh way back in the old days when i'd be greedy and snort a few more lines than i really should have of cocaine
^^august: i'd hyperventilate
{Nn}: ew creepy
^^august: yeah well
liqui5: fainting was a pertty awesome experience
liqui5: i'd dream every time
^^august: i've outgrown snorting cocaine
^^august: now i just mainline
liqui5: and have weird out-of-time episodes
^^august: lol
{Nn}: oxygen masks during sex i mean
^^august: j/k!
^^august: done that ONCE
Peagreen: nitrous and sex?
^^august: i'll be honest
^^august: mmmm never done nitrous and sex
^^august: at the same time
{Nn}: and on that note i slumber
liqui5: i just wanna try oxygen i heard it feels good
liqui5: goodnight
urge: we used to do the make-each-other-pass-out thing in about fourth grade, liqui5
liqui5: ya, i always did it to myself
urge: sometimes it was very weird
urge: well, it was always weird
liqui5: i probably fainted about 200 times
liqui5: ya, totally
urge: but sometimes it was really something else
liqui5: you'd wake up with these weird mixed emotions
urge: yeah
urge: that moment of not knowing where you were or what the hell was going on
liqui5: ya
otter: mini brain death
urge: and really you'd only been unconscious for a few seconds
^^august: yeah when i was 12 or so
^^august: just started smoking cannabis
^^august: we would inhale 10 deeeeeep breaths
^^august: take a toke on the last
urge: elevator hits!
^^august: and someone would squeeze our chest from behind
urge: actually, we called it 'elevator shotgun hits'
^^august: and most would hit the ground for a minute or so
liqui5: i fainted myself the first time i got high on cannabis
urge: because we'd have someone shotgun us a hit after the hyperventillating part
Post and Comment OptionsKeyboard Shortcuts: press Ctrl with: B = Bold, I = Italic, S = Publish, D = Draft
^^august: y
^^august: then i started thinking
^^august: hey
^^august: did i have fun?/
^^august: hell I can't remember!
^^august: i would just wake up on the ground
^^august: duh
urge: yeah, that particular behaviour would quickly burn us out
^^august: but at least i was still stoned
^^august: yeah didn't need all that to get the same stoned
^^august: beyond the first two minutes i mean
^^august: lol
^^august: i dunno
^^august: back then cannabis was
^^august: more psychedelic
^^august: honestly!
Peagreen: did any of you have that thing when you first smoked cannibis
Peagreen: where you didnt get high
^^august: when "indicas" started coming around
urge: well, that comes with more infrequent use, august
Peagreen: until 1 to a few times
^^august: and then all the pot wasnt from colombia anymore
^^august: no really urge
urge: yeah, Pea
^^august: that colombian gold and redbud
liqui5: i got high the first time
^^august: it was more magical
urge: okay, aug
^^august: the skunk got me more FUCKED up
^^august: but it wasn't nearly as 'cereberal'
^^august: i used to mildly hallucinate and not so mildly when eyes closed
^^august: from that colombian weed
^^august: vibrant
^^august: things "radiated" with energy
urge: I suspect it's more related to brain chemistry, age, set/setting, etc
Peagreen: igot high the seond time
^^august: i've always wondered
^^august: urge
urge: I was trying to get my parents to explain to me how I'd know when it hit me
^^august: but i've smoked some "afghanistan" weed
urge: and then it hit me
liqui5: my friend took 4.5 grams of potent cubensis and said it didnt affect him
^^august: around 1990
liqui5: while the rest of us had a pretty powerful experience
^^august: and it was like 1979 all over again
urge: well, I know there are different effects from different strains
^^august: that psychedelic aspect was there
urge: yeah, see, I started right around 79 as wel

urge: l
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liqui5: there goes the internet
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^^august: hmm
^^august: lately sometimes i get disconnected out of the blue
^^august: and have to wait a while to get back
^^august: :(
^^august: maybe someone is kicking me?
^^august: that's pretty cool r.ginn
otter: neat idea
urge: nah, aug, there's netwide probs this evening
^^august: happened yesterday same way
urge: you got Comcast?
^^august: no
urge: seems like comcast's been having DNS issues for a couple weeks
^^august: maybe i ping through them at some point
^^august: well not ping
^^august: route
^^august: (the carets are real, so please forgive)
urge: forgive?
^^august: my caret generated errors
^^august: ;)
^^august: like ping in leiu of route
^^august: <<<< acct="104&STORY=" edate="">

Snakes On A Plane

urge: I remember back when we were joking around about it and none of us realized it was an actual movie in the works

urge: oh
urge: I haven't seen any of that
urge: then it just grew from that, becoming awesome when it became real
urge: etc
dbauler: aha!

urge: I don't remember when that was, but it was long enough ago that Drew has a cartoon about it in the 'Toothpaste For Dinner' book that was published...whenever that seems like a long time ago
urge: ah, as I suspected, that was published in Oct of last year
dbauler: so it was all a brilliant and diabolical advertising campaign.
urge: well, I think it honestly wasn't
urge: but they took advantage of it, certainly
urge: it's all been said, but they went back and did three days' filming to put in some of the things that were being talked about in all the hoohaw
urge: most famously the line where SLJ says "motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane"
urge: that wasn't originally in the movie
urge: they went back and put it in
dbauler: weeeeird.
urge: by late last year people were already grumbling about being tired of all this snakes on a plane shit
urge: which is what's in Drew's cartoon
urge: anyway, I gotta go pretend to sleep for a couple hours, anyway
dbauler: agreed. g'night, rj.
urge: goodnight